A Moment of Transparency #4: You’re Not A Loner, You’re Just Afraid


You're Not A Loner; You're Just Afraid“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” ~ Jodi Picoult

Upon reading this quote, I felt a feeling of uneasiness as I wrestled with the reality of these words.  Immediately, I was bombarded with the following questions: “Rosalynd, is this true for you?”  “Why did you assume this identity?”Did you develop the identity of a loner out of fear?” “What did you fear?”  From a place of awareness, my higher-self responded, “Yes, you chose to be a loner out of fear of rejection.”  I never thought about it, until I read this quote recently.

As far back as I can remember, I suffered rejection from those closest to me.  Consequently, there were several periods throughout my life where I felt lonely and/or alone.  I remember most of my life, shrinking in front of people (in various ways) just to fit in and make others feel comfortable.  Always at the risk of rejecting my true identity.  No wonder, I suffered a major identity crisis during my 20s and 30s.  For so many years, I felt like a fish out of water.  It wasn’t until my 30s, that I realized that I was swimming with the wrong fish.  Thankfully, I am now in a place where I have learned how to reframe my thoughts and feelings regarding rejection.  I have come to learn that people don’t reject me because of who I am, but rather, who they are.  Hence, my mantra in this season of my life isOther people’s opinions of me is not my business.”  More importantly, I have discovered who I am and why I am here.  This has made all the difference in the world in how I live my life and what I entertain.

As I read this quote, I realized that I still refer to myself as a loner.  The truth is, I’m not.  I am aware that this thinking comes from a negative belief system that I have held for over 30 years.  Starting now, I will no longer refer to myself as a loner.  Today, I begin the work on changing this negative belief and reprogramming my subconscious mind for success.  I truly believe, that being a loner is not our true nature. This is simply learned behavior. We were created for connection, for fellowship.  Truthfully, we feel most alone when we’re not connected; and alive when we’re involved in healthy relationships. The truth is, I enjoy the company of others.  I enjoy interacting with both men and women equally.  The thought of connecting with others and building healthy relationships is exhilarating.  However, at the same time, I enjoy solitude.

Loneliness and solitude are two different things.  Loneliness is a feeling of sadness due to isolation or lack of companionship.   Many times, loneliness can result from being misunderstood, which can lead to one becoming very withdrawn.  This can lead to isolation, because of the need to protect yourself to avoid the pain of rejection.  Solitude is a state of being alone, without feeling lonely.  In this season of my life, I have come to appreciate solitude.  Solitude provides me with opportunities for: discovery; increased self-awareness; reflection; deep contemplation; meditation; stillness; and spiritual growth.  Since I was a young girl, I have always enjoyed my own company.  Thankfully, this trait followed me into my adulthood.  However, I didn’t consciously spend time with myself.  These days, I consciously spend time with myself; and this has made all the difference in the world in my overall growth and development.

So, let me ask you, have you labeled yourself a loner? Is this who you really are?  Is this the person you desire to be?

Inherent in every individual is the ability to become great.

Your greatness is hindered if you are in a place of loneliness and isolation.

Today, I would like to invite you to come out of hiding and face your fears.  Trust God, to lead you to a healthier place.  Trust him to surround you with people that will embrace and love you for who you are.  If he did it for me, he can do it for you.  But first, you must BELIEVE that you are worthy of being loved for who you are.  Secondly, you must appreciate who you are…quirks and all.

Finally, I want you take out the time (this week) to reach out to someone that is feeling lonely and/or isolated.  Last week, I met this amazing woman who summoned her courage and embraced her vulnerability and shared with me that she is dealing with loneliness.  I listened to her story with compassion, offered her words of encouragement and gave her a heartfelt hug and kiss on the cheek.  A few days later, as we chatted on the phone, I made a commitment to her that we would have a date night once a month.  In two weeks, we’re going to a bowling party.  Furthermore, I assured her that she was no longer walking alone.

We must be the change we want to see in the world.

I truly believe that if we can GIVE what we most desire, we will never be alone.


In closing, I want to share with you my #1 quote.  I hope it will motivate and inspire you to ASPIRE TO GREATNESS!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.  We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.  We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone.  And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

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  • Myrna Bacchus

    Love this Rosalynd.. I used to be loner in my late teens. Most of the friends I used to hang with had gotten wild and out of hand so I preferred being by myself, which was not really a problem for me because I have nine siblings (and you know how it is with a household full of people).

    I was never a people person until I started working where I attended workshops and seminars that really helped me to become the person I am today.

    This article is informative, thank you very much Rosalynd. I will keep on aspiring and I know you will too, because you always do. MUAH.

    Sincerely yours
    Myrna Johnson Bacchus