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As a coach, confidante and friend, people will often share with me their feelings regarding the challenges they are facing in their personal, marital, parental and business relationships. After carefully listening to them, I will often say, “Let’s explore what’s really going on with you.” Recently, I had a similar conversation with myself, due to my emotional response to a challenge I am currently facing. I asked myself, “Rosalynd, what’s really going on with you? What is the root cause of your pain?” As I pondered the questions, I wrote down every thought I could quickly capture. After reviewing my thoughts, I realized that I needed to do some work on reprogramming my subconscious mind. Consciously, I believed that I was a better place. However, my emotional response conveyed otherwise.
It’s been scientifically proven that we’re only conscious 3-5% of the time. Many of our decisions and judgments are based on our subconscious programming, which is on auto pilot 95-97% of the times. In fact, many of our thoughts regarding an individual is not based on truth, but rather our programming about who we believe them to be. Have you ever been in a situation, where someone is judging you based on something they experienced with you 10, 5, or 2 years ago, and you are not the same person? Well, that’s the program playing in their mind.
As we interact with an individual, the story about who we believe them to be is formed in our subconscious mind. The greater the interaction, the greater the story. This story contains every thought you have about this individual; everything you have experienced with them; everything you have heard about them; everything they have ever done; and your prejudices and judgments concerning them. When you become engaged with this individual (either in person or in thought) the program begins to play…automatically. Many times, we can’t see who a person really is, because we can only see the story that we have created about who we think they are.
When issues surface in our relationships, the tendency is to focus on the flaws and faults of the other person. It’s interesting how we’re completely oblivious to our own flaws and faults. When was the last time you asked yourself, “What’s really going on with me?” Let me ask you a few questions.
- Is it possible that your expectations for this person and/or relationship are unrealistic?
- Is it possible that your insecurities and fears are clouding your judgment?
- Is it possible that you are filtering and processing what they say based on your limited and negative view of them or possibly yourself?
- Is it possible that you are upset because you feel they should be doing things your way?
- Is it possible that the present issue is triggering memories and experiences from past relationships?
- Is it possible that you are harboring feelings of jealousy, resentment, bitterness or anger?
- Is it possible that the story you have created about who you believe this person to be is faulty?
- Is it possible that you are projecting what you feel onto them?
I could go on and on and on, as the reasons are endless. The point is, we have to move beyond what see on the surface; and dig much deeper.
As I grow in awareness, the ‘aspire to greatness’ message is evolving. Let me just say, that it is moving me WAY beyond my comfort zone and stretching me in ways I could never imagine. The spirit of ‘aspire to greatness’ is about doing EVERYTHING in a great way; even when you are challenged to your core.
In this season of my life, one of my favorite quotes is, “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” by Gandhi. I have to tell you, this is easier said than done. This requires me to live, do, be and think on a higher level. Albert Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created it.” Therefore, we must reach higher to effectively manage our challenges. At the end of the day, it’s not about what people do to you that matters, but how you respond to what they do. After all, we do not have the power to change anyone.
So, I have learned how to pray for those that challenge me to my core and to extend grace to them. And, when I challenge them to their core, I ask for grace in return. Remember this, we are all running off of faulty programs. There is a bible verse that says, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” At the end of the day, we are all guilty of “not knowing.” Hence, we must be quick to forgive and extend grace.
It’s also important to note, that when you are challenged in your relationships, be very careful in your hastiness to ‘cut’ people off. Instead, consider repositioning them in your life and limit your interaction with them. People are not objects, they are human beings with feelings. At some point in our lives, we needed some time to ‘get ourselves together.’ If you live long enough, it won’t be the last time. In no way, am I suggesting that we comprise our peace of mind or tolerate abuse of any form, what I am suggesting is that we ‘consciously’ deal with people from a place of compassion and awareness.
There is so much I can write about on this topic. So, I think I’ll just stop here.
I am determined to Live. Do. Be. Think. HIGHER…how about you?
Have an amazing day my friend :).